Love/Hate

Some people think there is a thin line between love and hate. I diagree completely. It takes way more energy to hate than it does to love. hate comes from a dark place whose resources should never be tapped. Love, on the other hand comes from a place that doesn't get used enough. We refuse to love more than hate. We expend all of our energy on an emotion that does nothing but tear us down and rip our hearts apart. I am no different from anyone. I have hated with all of my heart. My ex husband is a prime example. I cannot stand this man. He constantly belittled me during our marriage and cheated and still attempts to belittle me today. He is mean and angry and full of strife and envy. Those are his demons. I have had times where I have wished he would step into the street infront of on coming traffic. I know that's not right. God forgive me for having those feelings. When I let this man and his evil ways get me to the point to where I am wishing those things, he has won. I don't want hate to win over love. These last few months I have been shown what love is. I didn't realize that up until this point in my life, I had no clue what love was other than love of family and friends. I have been shown a romantic, lust filled and respectable kind of love that includes a friendship as well. I didn't realize that those things could be in the same category for love. A beautiful and wonderful thing happened this week when my boyfriend and I let each other know that we love each other. It really was one of the most precious times in my life. I had known for awhile that I loved him, but I was scared to death to tell him. I was scared that he may not feel the same way and I was scared of rejection. What if me saying that was too much for him at this point and he ran? That's not what happened at all. I poured my heart out to him which is hard to do since I have guarded it so closely, and he cherished my words and my heart and responded with the only thing I needed to hear which was "I love you." What a great feeling. Why would I ever want to feel different than that? Last night my ex sent me a hateful text that caused me to have that feeling of comtempt wash over my heart and once again I started expounding the energy inside of me to hate him. Why? When I know I have something so much better that I can put my energy in to? I have to remember this. When satan tries to push that rage/hate button, I have to remember that God gave me a much bigger and more desirable button to be pushed and that is the love button. As cheesy as that may sound, it is so true. It's something we should all try and remember to do. And it is a choice. I choose to love rather than hate. I choose to pour my energy into something that is positive and constructive and beautiful. And I will pour until my heart is overflowing and that love flows into other parts of my life and other people in my life. I hope it catches on.